Как перестать повторять ошибки

1. 

   A healthy recognition of failure helps you grow. It can be hard to admit failure, but if you run from it, you lose out on the chance to learn from it. Admit the mistake to yourself or the person it affected, so you can re-examine how it happened and do better next time. If facing your errors makes you anxious or frightened, remind yourself how normal this is:

   • Every single person makes mistakes.
   • Most failures are temporary setbacks, rather than absolute disasters.
   • People who achieve great things often had great failures along the way.

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1. 

   Mistakes are both unavoidable and useful. Your brain has powerful, split-second tools to protect you, and those tools learn from your errors.^[2]
   Shift your focus away from feelings of failure and disappointment, and toward a more rational approach that helps you learn the right lesson. By untangling what actually happened and what you could have done differently, you turn a mistake into a setup for success.^[3]
   

1. 

   Give yourself credit instead of beating yourself up. While acknowledging mistakes is valuable, too much focus on the negatives can make you «shut down» and avoid thinking about what happened.^[4]
   Feeling bad and reinforcing that with negative thoughts isn’t actually productive. Spend some time giving yourself the credit you deserve:

   • Make a list of everything you’ve overcome and all your successes.
   • Write down qualities about yourself that you value.
   • If you have regrets about a complicated situation, identify the actions you took that improved it or stopped it getting worse, even if they didn’t fully succeed.

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1. 

   Quiet your inner critic when it grows too loud. People with perfectionism or depression often hyper-focus on mistakes. If you struggle to praise yourself or see your value, make being kind to yourself a top priority. Overcoming these struggles doesn’t mean you will never criticize yourself again; it means shaping that internal critic into something more realistic, kinder, and less central to your sense of self.^[5]
   A healthy frame of mind makes it much easier to improve yourself.

   • If praising yourself is difficult, try talking to yourself as though you were talking to your best friend.^[6]
     
   • Reword the thoughts of your «inner critic» as a different person talking to you: turn «I always screw up» into «You always screw up.»^[7]
     
   • Keep treating your inner critic as a different person and argue with them. Come up with counterexamples to prove them wrong.^[8]
     

1. 

   Set yourself up for success in concrete ways. You can’t just shout at yourself to do better and expect it to magically happen. Approach your difficulties with a realistic mindset and take steps in advance to stop old patterns from playing out again. Here are some examples:

   • If you regularly miss the due date of bills, make a large, visual reminder ahead of time.
   • If you keep ignoring warning signs in your romantic life, ask your trusted friends to vet your dates and speak up if their alarm bells go off.

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1. 

   Examine your life for behavior patterns you’d like to work on. If you’re caught in a loop making the same mistakes, it’s probably because you have a blind spot in how you’re viewing the world and behaving within it.^[9]
   Reflect on your unconscious habits and how they relate to your life:^[10]
   

   • Try to face the hidden motivations behind your behavior. Do you game for hours because you are avoiding the people in your household? Do you jump on and off diets because of low self esteem? You may need to focus on the root cause before the surface-level behavior changes.
   • Don’t take on too much at once. Focus on a select few issues that you feel deserve the most attention, or even just one at a time.

1. 

   Realistic standards help you improve without hurting yourself. You can set high expectations for yourself, but don’t dream of making full-court shots before you ever pick up a basketball. Hold yourself to standards you can achieve without burning out or sacrificing other parts of your life.^[11]
   This will give you more wins, which reinforce good habits and help you build better behaviors over time.

   • For example, instead of the standard of «perfect communication,» recognize that it’s still a win if you pull back and stop an argument instead of escalating it. It’s another win if you have a calmer conversation later about what happened.
   • Instead of the unrealistic goal to «just stop» procrastinating your homework, set a goal to at least do ten minutes the day it’s assigned. Once you can do that consistently, try to do half of it in advance. Reward yourself for these milestones, and you’ll be more likely to keep improving.

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1. 

   Find out what triggers your behavior and adapt to it. What situations or events lead to the behaviors you’re unhappy with? Your mistakes don’t just appear out of nowhere. They can be encouraged by other people, stressful events, and even little things like missing a meal. Identifying these patterns is the first step toward changing your response to them, or preventing them from coming up in the first place.

   • If you can’t identify the triggers, carry a journal (or phone writing app) with you and write down your daily experiences and moods. Reread old entries to look for patterns that might cause stress, such as irregular sleep or meals, and to remind yourself of things you did that got you back on track.^[12]
     
   • We all have stories that run in our subconscious that influence our behaviors, so examine your actions carefully. What are you doing? How might you inadvertently be creating these unfortunate situations for yourself?^[13]
     

1. 

   Keep the new behavior simple and prepare in advance. Our brain loves to charge back into familiar habits, even when they make us miserable. Instead of trying to stop that charge, redirect it to a new behavior:^[14]
   

   • Make a plan ahead of time for what you will do in response to each trigger. If a relative pushes your buttons, you could excuse yourself to the bathroom instead of fighting.
   • Keep these plans simple. If stress makes you want to smoke, a breathing exercise is something you can try almost anywhere. Going for a jog anytime you’re stressed is impractical.
   • Write down this plan to cement it. This is about taking radical responsibility for your life so you can create a break in your habits.^[15]
     

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1. 

   Trade encouragement with an accountability partner. Someone you can check in with for encouragement can help you stick to your goals once the initial motivation wears off. Choosing the right person makes all the difference, so put some thought into it:

   • It’s often best to choose an acquaintance or even a stranger (for instance, someone at the gym if you’re trying to improve your fitness). Romantic partners or close friends can have trouble adapting to the new role.^[16]
     
   • Partners should be non-judgemental and give positive reinforcement.^[17]
     Trust can grow over time, but start with someone who at least makes you feel comfortable.
   • The more seriously you both take it, the more helpful it will be. Choose someone who is willing to commit to scheduled check-ins, and not flake out on them.

1. 

   Setbacks will happen; what matters is how you respond to them. Changing old habits, unpacking your own trauma, facing your relationship to failure: all of this is valuable work, but it can also be difficult and draining on a bad day. It is completely normal to feel confident and motivated at one moment, and then fall into pessimism and regret. When you do make a mistake again, there are ways to get back on track:^[18]
   

   • While you’re still feeling the negative emotions, seek support from the right people in the right environment—people who won’t judge you, and places that won’t trigger more negative behaviors.
   • After you’re feeling a bit better, look back at how the setback happened. Maybe something unexpectedly triggered strong emotions in you—work out why, and how you could avoid that next time.
   • Think about how your coping strategies failed. Is there a way to make them easier or more accessible?
   • Finally, think about how you handled the setback during the worst of it. Is there a healthier and faster way to get through the dark times? Can you ask someone now if you can contact them for support next time, so the idea will already be in your head?

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1. 

   Seek supportive communities for long-term stability. Breaking the cycle of mistakes and regret is fantastic, but it doesn’t happen once and fix everything forever. For long-term success, surround yourself with people who see your best self and want to support it. Feelings of connection and belonging are some of the most powerful tools for overcoming the setbacks that try and drop you into old patterns.^[19]
   

   • In your social circle, spend time with people who are empathetic and understanding. Distance yourself from people who mock your feelings.
   • Seek new communities with strong social bonds, such as a local organization with regular meetings.
   • Volunteering for people in need will not only make you feel connected, but also give you a sense of purpose—another excellent source of self-worth.

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• Be patient as you work towards your goals. Changing a habit can take anywhere from 15 to 254 days depending on motivation, replacement behavior, and amount of repetition.^[20]
  

• Mind and body is key, only what you allow inside will reflect to what occurs on the outside.

Did this summary help you?

1. 

   A healthy recognition of failure helps you grow. It can be hard to admit failure, but if you run from it, you lose out on the chance to learn from it. Admit the mistake to yourself or the person it affected, so you can re-examine how it happened and do better next time. If facing your errors makes you anxious or frightened, remind yourself how normal this is:

   • Every single person makes mistakes.
   • Most failures are temporary setbacks, rather than absolute disasters.
   • People who achieve great things often had great failures along the way.

Advertisement

1. 

   Mistakes are both unavoidable and useful. Your brain has powerful, split-second tools to protect you, and those tools learn from your errors.^[2]
   Shift your focus away from feelings of failure and disappointment, and toward a more rational approach that helps you learn the right lesson. By untangling what actually happened and what you could have done differently, you turn a mistake into a setup for success.^[3]
   

1. 

   Give yourself credit instead of beating yourself up. While acknowledging mistakes is valuable, too much focus on the negatives can make you «shut down» and avoid thinking about what happened.^[4]
   Feeling bad and reinforcing that with negative thoughts isn’t actually productive. Spend some time giving yourself the credit you deserve:

   • Make a list of everything you’ve overcome and all your successes.
   • Write down qualities about yourself that you value.
   • If you have regrets about a complicated situation, identify the actions you took that improved it or stopped it getting worse, even if they didn’t fully succeed.

Advertisement

1. 

   Quiet your inner critic when it grows too loud. People with perfectionism or depression often hyper-focus on mistakes. If you struggle to praise yourself or see your value, make being kind to yourself a top priority. Overcoming these struggles doesn’t mean you will never criticize yourself again; it means shaping that internal critic into something more realistic, kinder, and less central to your sense of self.^[5]
   A healthy frame of mind makes it much easier to improve yourself.

   • If praising yourself is difficult, try talking to yourself as though you were talking to your best friend.^[6]
     
   • Reword the thoughts of your «inner critic» as a different person talking to you: turn «I always screw up» into «You always screw up.»^[7]
     
   • Keep treating your inner critic as a different person and argue with them. Come up with counterexamples to prove them wrong.^[8]
     

1. 

   Set yourself up for success in concrete ways. You can’t just shout at yourself to do better and expect it to magically happen. Approach your difficulties with a realistic mindset and take steps in advance to stop old patterns from playing out again. Here are some examples:

   • If you regularly miss the due date of bills, make a large, visual reminder ahead of time.
   • If you keep ignoring warning signs in your romantic life, ask your trusted friends to vet your dates and speak up if their alarm bells go off.

Advertisement

1. 

   Examine your life for behavior patterns you’d like to work on. If you’re caught in a loop making the same mistakes, it’s probably because you have a blind spot in how you’re viewing the world and behaving within it.^[9]
   Reflect on your unconscious habits and how they relate to your life:^[10]
   

   • Try to face the hidden motivations behind your behavior. Do you game for hours because you are avoiding the people in your household? Do you jump on and off diets because of low self esteem? You may need to focus on the root cause before the surface-level behavior changes.
   • Don’t take on too much at once. Focus on a select few issues that you feel deserve the most attention, or even just one at a time.

1. 

   Realistic standards help you improve without hurting yourself. You can set high expectations for yourself, but don’t dream of making full-court shots before you ever pick up a basketball. Hold yourself to standards you can achieve without burning out or sacrificing other parts of your life.^[11]
   This will give you more wins, which reinforce good habits and help you build better behaviors over time.

   • For example, instead of the standard of «perfect communication,» recognize that it’s still a win if you pull back and stop an argument instead of escalating it. It’s another win if you have a calmer conversation later about what happened.
   • Instead of the unrealistic goal to «just stop» procrastinating your homework, set a goal to at least do ten minutes the day it’s assigned. Once you can do that consistently, try to do half of it in advance. Reward yourself for these milestones, and you’ll be more likely to keep improving.

Advertisement

1. 

   Find out what triggers your behavior and adapt to it. What situations or events lead to the behaviors you’re unhappy with? Your mistakes don’t just appear out of nowhere. They can be encouraged by other people, stressful events, and even little things like missing a meal. Identifying these patterns is the first step toward changing your response to them, or preventing them from coming up in the first place.

   • If you can’t identify the triggers, carry a journal (or phone writing app) with you and write down your daily experiences and moods. Reread old entries to look for patterns that might cause stress, such as irregular sleep or meals, and to remind yourself of things you did that got you back on track.^[12]
     
   • We all have stories that run in our subconscious that influence our behaviors, so examine your actions carefully. What are you doing? How might you inadvertently be creating these unfortunate situations for yourself?^[13]
     

1. 

   Keep the new behavior simple and prepare in advance. Our brain loves to charge back into familiar habits, even when they make us miserable. Instead of trying to stop that charge, redirect it to a new behavior:^[14]
   

   • Make a plan ahead of time for what you will do in response to each trigger. If a relative pushes your buttons, you could excuse yourself to the bathroom instead of fighting.
   • Keep these plans simple. If stress makes you want to smoke, a breathing exercise is something you can try almost anywhere. Going for a jog anytime you’re stressed is impractical.
   • Write down this plan to cement it. This is about taking radical responsibility for your life so you can create a break in your habits.^[15]
     

Advertisement

1. 

   Trade encouragement with an accountability partner. Someone you can check in with for encouragement can help you stick to your goals once the initial motivation wears off. Choosing the right person makes all the difference, so put some thought into it:

   • It’s often best to choose an acquaintance or even a stranger (for instance, someone at the gym if you’re trying to improve your fitness). Romantic partners or close friends can have trouble adapting to the new role.^[16]
     
   • Partners should be non-judgemental and give positive reinforcement.^[17]
     Trust can grow over time, but start with someone who at least makes you feel comfortable.
   • The more seriously you both take it, the more helpful it will be. Choose someone who is willing to commit to scheduled check-ins, and not flake out on them.

1. 

   Setbacks will happen; what matters is how you respond to them. Changing old habits, unpacking your own trauma, facing your relationship to failure: all of this is valuable work, but it can also be difficult and draining on a bad day. It is completely normal to feel confident and motivated at one moment, and then fall into pessimism and regret. When you do make a mistake again, there are ways to get back on track:^[18]
   

   • While you’re still feeling the negative emotions, seek support from the right people in the right environment—people who won’t judge you, and places that won’t trigger more negative behaviors.
   • After you’re feeling a bit better, look back at how the setback happened. Maybe something unexpectedly triggered strong emotions in you—work out why, and how you could avoid that next time.
   • Think about how your coping strategies failed. Is there a way to make them easier or more accessible?
   • Finally, think about how you handled the setback during the worst of it. Is there a healthier and faster way to get through the dark times? Can you ask someone now if you can contact them for support next time, so the idea will already be in your head?

Advertisement

1. 

   Seek supportive communities for long-term stability. Breaking the cycle of mistakes and regret is fantastic, but it doesn’t happen once and fix everything forever. For long-term success, surround yourself with people who see your best self and want to support it. Feelings of connection and belonging are some of the most powerful tools for overcoming the setbacks that try and drop you into old patterns.^[19]
   

   • In your social circle, spend time with people who are empathetic and understanding. Distance yourself from people who mock your feelings.
   • Seek new communities with strong social bonds, such as a local organization with regular meetings.
   • Volunteering for people in need will not only make you feel connected, but also give you a sense of purpose—another excellent source of self-worth.

Advertisement

• Be patient as you work towards your goals. Changing a habit can take anywhere from 15 to 254 days depending on motivation, replacement behavior, and amount of repetition.^[20]
  

• Mind and body is key, only what you allow inside will reflect to what occurs on the outside.

Did this summary help you?

1. 

   Think back to the moment of the mistake to determine the cause. Mistakes don’t happen in a vacuum. If you know why the mistake was made, you can correct the problem so that it’s less likely to happen again. This takes some tough mental work, but it’s part of the process of learning from mistakes.^[1]
   

   • For example, suppose you made several careless mistakes on your math homework. Looking back, you might realize that you were rushing to finish your homework because there was a show you wanted to watch on TV. Rushing through your homework is the probable cause of your mistakes.
   • Remind yourself that failure isn’t a bad thing. Mistakes can help you grow and become better at what you do.^[2]
     

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1. 

   Look for patterns so you can prioritize issues you need to address. Try not to be too hard on yourself—nobody’s perfect and mistakes are a normal part of life. It can be tough to remember that, though, when you seem to keep making the same type of mistake over and over. But if you’re able to identify the pattern, you can break the cycle.^[3]
   

   • For example, if you find that you make more mistakes after working for an hour, you might want to build in short breaks so that you aren’t working that long. Breaks help keep your mind fresh and make it easier to focus.

1. 

   Get everything you need together before you start on something. You’ll make fewer mistakes if you have everything you need close by. Take a few minutes to gather your tools or materials ahead of time. When you get started, you’ll be able to focus completely on the task at hand rather than having to stop and look around for something you need.^[4]
   

   • If you have to go find things after you’ve already started the task, it can take you that much longer to get back into the swing of things once you return. Too many interruptions and you might find yourself rushing through the job, which leads to an even greater risk of making mistakes.

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1. 

   Give yourself enough time so you don’t have to rush. If you leave something to the last minute, you’ll be under pressure to get it done. The stress and tension of that pressure leads to mistakes, as does the tendency to cut corners so you can meet your deadline.^[5]
   

   • Be patient with yourself—it’s okay if it takes you longer than it takes someone else, or if it ends up taking longer than you thought. It’ll still take less time if you do it right the first time as opposed to having to fix a bunch of mistakes after the fact.
   • Sometimes it’s hard to figure out how much time you need to complete a task—especially if it’s something you’ve never done before. Just give it your best guesstimate, then multiply that amount of time by 1.5 to make sure.

1. 

   Go over what you’ve done so you can correct any mistakes you might have made. Whether it’s a household chore, a homework assignment, or a work project, always review your work when you think you’re done. This gives you the opportunity to catch any mistakes and fix them before they cause bigger issues.^[6]
   

   • For example, if you’re writing a report, leave time to go through it carefully and proofread for any typos or grammatical errors. You might also have a friend or family member look it over—a fresh set of eyes can catch a mistake you might miss.

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1. 

   Act mindfully rather than allowing your mind to drift. If you keep your mind focused on the task at hand rather than allowing it to wander off, you’ll often find that a lot of those careless mistakes become a thing of the past. This can take some practice, so start small and work your way up to bigger things.^[7]
   

   • To help yourself be more present, try a short meditation where you focus all your attention on each sense for 1 minute. What are you seeing, hearing, tasting, smelling, and feeling? Do this whenever you feel your mind drifting to bring it back in touch with your surroundings.^[8]
     
   • You’re most likely to make careless mistakes when you’re doing something you’ve done a thousand times that you don’t need to think about doing. Because you’re not paying attention, it’s easy to miss something—but practicing mindfulness can help.

1. 

   You’ll make fewer mistakes if you don’t multi-task. It may seem like you’re getting a lot done, but you’ll get more done with fewer mistakes if you give your full attention to one task at a time. Having to constantly switch gears as you move from one thing to another is a good way to make mistakes you could have avoided if you’d just focused.^[9]
   

   • The only things you can successfully multi-task are things that you can set and forget. For example, you can do something else while you’re doing the laundry because you don’t have to do anything while the machine does the work. Just don’t forget to take it out when it’s done!

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1. 

   Use lists to get rid of mental clutter. If you’re trying to remember a dozen things, your mind isn’t focusing on the task at hand and a careless mistake is more likely. Get in the habit of writing things down and you’ll free your mind to concentrate better.^[10]
   

   • You might also get in the habit of making a to-do list each day, either first thing in the morning or before you go to bed at night (for the next day). This can help you organize your day better so you aren’t leaving things to the last minute.

1. 

   Do important and complex tasks first when your mind is fresh. Look at what you have to do each day and put them in order of priority. This could mean things that are more important for you to get done, or it could be things that are more difficult for you to get done. If you get those out of the way when you have the most energy, you’ll be less likely to make mistakes.^[11]
   

   • For example, if you have a hard time making phone calls and you have 2 phone calls you have to make, try to do them first thing in the morning and get them out of the way.
   • Check in on your energy level at different times of the day and keep a log so you can figure out when you tend to have the most energy. Do complex tasks during those times to lessen the risk of making mistakes.

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1. 

   Prompt yourself to do things you frequently forget. This tactic works best if you find yourself frequently forgetting routine things, such as running out of gas. A recurring reminder to check the status enables you to take preventive action.^[12]
   

   • It’s best to do this as soon as possible after you’ve made the mistake and it’s still fresh in your mind. Otherwise, you might forget to set your reminder!
   • For example, suppose you’re late to work one morning because you forgot to get gas the day before. Create a reminder that prompts you to check your gas gauge and see if you need to get gas on your way home from work, then set it to go off each afternoon about the time you’re leaving work.

1. 

   Schedule everything that needs to be done at a certain date and time. Keeping a single master calendar is a good way to make sure you know what needs to be done each day and where you need to be. It will also keep you from forgetting events and commitments you’ve made.^[13]
   

   • Even if you have a separate calendar for work, it’s still worth your while to add all those items to your master calendar. You can color-code things for work using a different color ink than you use for personal commitments.
   • If you use a digital calendar on your computer or smartphone, you can also set reminders that will help you keep track of your appointments.

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• Maintain a healthy lifestyle to keep your brain sharp and less likely to make careless mistakes. A regular sleeping and eating routine and daily exercise will help you perform your best.^[14]
  

• If you find dealing with mistakes stressful or overwhelming, consider talking to a professional. Therapy can help you handle mistakes better and find ways to cope.

Did this summary help you?