Тревожно избегающий тип личности как исправить

1. 

   1

   Encourage your loved one to seek treatment. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most effective way to treat avoidant personality disorder. Over time, therapy can help people with this disorder feel less self-conscious.^[1]
   An experienced therapist can help your loved one find ways to cope with their condition and live a fuller life.

   • Broach this topic gently and tactfully to avoid making your loved one feel defensive. For instance, you might say, “I’m a little worried about you. You seem lonely and isolated lately. I care about you and want you to be happy. Do you think seeing a therapist would help you have an easier time talking to people?”
   • Seeking help early is important because it can help your loved one avoid the negative side effects of untreated avoidant personality disorder, such as depression.^[2]
     
   • If the relationship is a romantic one, you might offer to go to couples therapy with your beloved. If the relationship is a sibling or other relative, you might suggest going to family therapy.

2. 

   2

   Remember that you can’t “fix” your loved one. No matter how much you want to help someone, when dealing with a condition such as AvPD, the person affected has to decide to help themselves first.

   • Make sure the person knows they have your support and acceptance, but don’t put pressure on yourself to solve your loved one’s problems for them.^[3]
     
   • Don’t tell your loved one how they should act. Instead, talk to them about how they feel, and the ways they’d like to improve themselves.^[4]
     
   • Say something like «I want you to know that I love you and I support your choice to get help. If there’s something I can do, you need only ask.»

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3. 

   3

   Encourage healthy coping strategies. People with AvPD are at an increased risk for developing problems with addiction or substance abuse. They are also prone to depression.^[5]
   Healthy coping strategies can help them deal with their difficult feelings in constructive ways.

   • Be available for your loved one if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, and encourage them to adopt healthy stress relief strategies such as exercise.
   • Invite them to exercise with you. «Hey, why don’t we go for a hike this weekend,» or «Would you like to join me in Zumba class?» are great ways to help a best friend, sibling, or partner stay physically active and fight stress.
   • Yoga is also a great way to help enrich the person both mentally and physically. Yoga is an exercise that combines meditation and stretching.
   • When you notice that your loved one has done something differently, give them positive feedback, which will encourage them to make more changes in their life.^[6]
     

4. 

   4

   Highlight your loved one’s positive traits. Much of the time, people with avoidant personality disorder struggle with feeling inadequate or inferior. Instead of arguing with someone’s irrational belief that there is something wrong with them, focus on the person’s positive characteristics, such as anything you like or appreciate about them.^[7]
   

   • You might say «I know you’re going through a difficult time right now, but I want you to know how much I admire your strength and perseverance. You are such an inspiration to me.»
   • You can also talk to the person about the things that interest them. Go out of your way to find out more about those interests, and learn to share their excitement.^[8]
     
   • Depending on your relationship with this person, it may also help to ask others to join in. Tell your girlfriend’s best friend that she’s been having a hard time, and that she could use some extra praise and reassurance. Suggest to your parents that they take a break from stressing your brother about college and, instead, you all could go on a fun family outing. Eliminating a little of the stress and replacing it with positives could help a great deal.

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1. 

   1

   Know the primary symptoms of AvPD. People who have this disorder often seem very shy, inhibited, or tense. They may spend most of their time alone and seem to have few friends, although they may wish for close relationships. Avoidant personality disorder can lead to social isolation and loneliness.^{[9]
   [10]}
   

   • Extreme shyness
   • Intense anxiety in social situations
   • Excessive worry about potential problems
   • Avoiding social and other risks
   • Intense fear of rejection, disapproval, and criticism
   • High sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism
   • Low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy
   • Difficulty functioning at school or work because of these issues

   Tip: Avoidant personality disorder is not the same thing as simply being shy. Some shyness is normal and doesn’t usually have a negative effect on a person’s life, but avoidant personality disorder can damage a person’s relationships, self-esteem, and ability to work or go to school.

2. 

   2

   Recognize that personality disorders are hard to change. Avoidant personality disorder is a complex condition that affects a person’s thoughts and behaviors in all aspects of their life. The deep-seated habits and thought patterns of avoidant personality disorder are caused by multiple genetic, environmental, and social factors.^[11]
   

   • Because avoidant personality disorder is so central to the way a person thinks and acts, it is difficult to get rid of the condition entirely; however, cognitive behavioral therapy can help people with this disorder learn coping strategies for a more fulfilling life.
   • Learning the resistant nature of personality disorders may influence how you choose to move forward with the relationship. If it’s a significant other, you may decide that you can’t handle their insecure behavior and want to move on. If it’s a best friend, you may feel that this person’s tendency to isolate keeps you from making other friends. Knowing more about the disorder can help guide your decisions about the future of your relationship with this person.

3. 

   3

   Participate in a support group. Talking with other people whose lives have been affected by avoidant personality disorder can provide a sense of community and understanding. People who understand what you’re going through can help you understand avoidant personality disorder better and find strategies for helping someone with the condition.

   • Attending a support group can also be helpful for those who have avoidant personality disorder, but many people with this condition prefer not to meet others face-to-face. For a low-pressure alternative, help your loved one find an online support group.

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1. 

   1

   Set and enforce personal boundaries. Someone with AvPD may be unintentionally hurtful, emotionally tiring, or otherwise difficult to deal with at times. If you don’t feel like you can help them as much as they would like, tell them so. Don’t feel guilty for being up-front about what you can deal with and what you can’t.^[12]
   

   • Set boundaries to limit time as needed. For example, «I need to start homework soon but I can talk for 30 minutes,» or «I can’t talk after 9 pm because I need to rest.» This way, you can support them, without giving up too much time for other important parts of your life.
   • Honesty is important for a healthy relationship. It’s okay to say something like, “I want to support you, but I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and I need some space.” Tell your boyfriend you need to take a break for awhile. Mention to your friend that you need some time to think.

2. 

   2

   Encourage your loved one to develop their support network. Reach out to the person’s loved ones, and encourage them to spend more time with this person. Remind the person that their loved ones would enjoy spending time together.

   • You should not be the only support person for the person with AvPD, as this isn’t fair to either one of you.
   • If you are too busy or overwhelmed to help them when they need help, you can suggest that they go to another close loved one.
   • Even young children can help. For example, you could say «Your big sister is having a bad day. She might feel better if she could spend some time reading or playing video games with you today.»

3. 

   3

   Avoid forcing your loved one into social situations. Being put on the spot or forced to talk to other people can be difficult and upsetting for someone with AvPD. If you put them into a social situation against their will, it almost certainly won’t help. They may start feeling angry with you, or ashamed at their perceived deficiencies. It won’t help their social skills.

   • Let your loved one decide for themselves if and when they want to engage in interactions with other people.^[13]
     
   • This can be especially hard if the person is your significant other or best friend. These relationships are naturally social ones; however, if your girlfriend does not like hanging in groups, support her interests and stick to smaller group settings. If your best friend doesn’t want to go to a party, see if you can go with another group of acquaintances.

4. 

   4

   Don’t take their behavior personally. For people who don’t have avoidant personality disorder, the behavior of someone with this condition may seem puzzling or hurtful at times. Your loved one may act friendly one minute and push you away the next, or they may go silent and refuse to interact for long periods of time. Remember that their behavior is a reflection of their disorder, not how they feel about you.

   • Romantic and close relationships may suffer from this because, if your date or BFF pushes you away, you immediately will think you did something wrong. Just try to remember the unique traits of this person. Also, remind yourself that they have only a few social relationships. So, if they are keeping you around, they must still like you and want you in their life.

5. 

   5

   Get support for yourself too. Visiting a therapist, joining a support group for family members of people with AvPD, or just talking with a friend can help you deal with your emotions and relieve stress. Maintaining a stable, positive state of mind will make you better able to help your loved one.

   • If your loved one lives in the same house with you, make an effort to get some away time for yourself often. Make plans with friends or go on a daytime outing just to clear your head.
   • If your loved one is a significant other, take the opportunity to get therapy, if possible. It can be detrimental to your self-confidence when your S.O. pulls away out of the blue. Get counseling to address how their personality disorder is impacting you.
   • If your loved one is a friend, be sure to sustain other friendships. It can be easy to get lost in this person’s world, but it’s healthy and absolutely OK to have outside friendships, too.

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• People with AvPD show restraint in developing personal relationships, including intimate relationships, because of fear of being shamed and ridiculed.

• People with avoidant personality disorder are unusually preoccupied with being rejected, which impacts social situations and their daily activities.

• People with avoidant personality disorder may view themselves as being socially inferior or generally inferior to others.

1. 

   1

   Encourage your loved one to seek treatment. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is the most effective way to treat avoidant personality disorder. Over time, therapy can help people with this disorder feel less self-conscious.^[1]
   An experienced therapist can help your loved one find ways to cope with their condition and live a fuller life.

   • Broach this topic gently and tactfully to avoid making your loved one feel defensive. For instance, you might say, “I’m a little worried about you. You seem lonely and isolated lately. I care about you and want you to be happy. Do you think seeing a therapist would help you have an easier time talking to people?”
   • Seeking help early is important because it can help your loved one avoid the negative side effects of untreated avoidant personality disorder, such as depression.^[2]
     
   • If the relationship is a romantic one, you might offer to go to couples therapy with your beloved. If the relationship is a sibling or other relative, you might suggest going to family therapy.

2. 

   2

   Remember that you can’t “fix” your loved one. No matter how much you want to help someone, when dealing with a condition such as AvPD, the person affected has to decide to help themselves first.

   • Make sure the person knows they have your support and acceptance, but don’t put pressure on yourself to solve your loved one’s problems for them.^[3]
     
   • Don’t tell your loved one how they should act. Instead, talk to them about how they feel, and the ways they’d like to improve themselves.^[4]
     
   • Say something like «I want you to know that I love you and I support your choice to get help. If there’s something I can do, you need only ask.»

   Advertisement

3. 

   3

   Encourage healthy coping strategies. People with AvPD are at an increased risk for developing problems with addiction or substance abuse. They are also prone to depression.^[5]
   Healthy coping strategies can help them deal with their difficult feelings in constructive ways.

   • Be available for your loved one if they need someone to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, and encourage them to adopt healthy stress relief strategies such as exercise.
   • Invite them to exercise with you. «Hey, why don’t we go for a hike this weekend,» or «Would you like to join me in Zumba class?» are great ways to help a best friend, sibling, or partner stay physically active and fight stress.
   • Yoga is also a great way to help enrich the person both mentally and physically. Yoga is an exercise that combines meditation and stretching.
   • When you notice that your loved one has done something differently, give them positive feedback, which will encourage them to make more changes in their life.^[6]
     

4. 

   4

   Highlight your loved one’s positive traits. Much of the time, people with avoidant personality disorder struggle with feeling inadequate or inferior. Instead of arguing with someone’s irrational belief that there is something wrong with them, focus on the person’s positive characteristics, such as anything you like or appreciate about them.^[7]
   

   • You might say «I know you’re going through a difficult time right now, but I want you to know how much I admire your strength and perseverance. You are such an inspiration to me.»
   • You can also talk to the person about the things that interest them. Go out of your way to find out more about those interests, and learn to share their excitement.^[8]
     
   • Depending on your relationship with this person, it may also help to ask others to join in. Tell your girlfriend’s best friend that she’s been having a hard time, and that she could use some extra praise and reassurance. Suggest to your parents that they take a break from stressing your brother about college and, instead, you all could go on a fun family outing. Eliminating a little of the stress and replacing it with positives could help a great deal.

Advertisement

1. 

   1

   Know the primary symptoms of AvPD. People who have this disorder often seem very shy, inhibited, or tense. They may spend most of their time alone and seem to have few friends, although they may wish for close relationships. Avoidant personality disorder can lead to social isolation and loneliness.^{[9]
   [10]}
   

   • Extreme shyness
   • Intense anxiety in social situations
   • Excessive worry about potential problems
   • Avoiding social and other risks
   • Intense fear of rejection, disapproval, and criticism
   • High sensitivity to perceived rejection or criticism
   • Low self-esteem and feelings of inadequacy
   • Difficulty functioning at school or work because of these issues

   Tip: Avoidant personality disorder is not the same thing as simply being shy. Some shyness is normal and doesn’t usually have a negative effect on a person’s life, but avoidant personality disorder can damage a person’s relationships, self-esteem, and ability to work or go to school.

2. 

   2

   Recognize that personality disorders are hard to change. Avoidant personality disorder is a complex condition that affects a person’s thoughts and behaviors in all aspects of their life. The deep-seated habits and thought patterns of avoidant personality disorder are caused by multiple genetic, environmental, and social factors.^[11]
   

   • Because avoidant personality disorder is so central to the way a person thinks and acts, it is difficult to get rid of the condition entirely; however, cognitive behavioral therapy can help people with this disorder learn coping strategies for a more fulfilling life.
   • Learning the resistant nature of personality disorders may influence how you choose to move forward with the relationship. If it’s a significant other, you may decide that you can’t handle their insecure behavior and want to move on. If it’s a best friend, you may feel that this person’s tendency to isolate keeps you from making other friends. Knowing more about the disorder can help guide your decisions about the future of your relationship with this person.

3. 

   3

   Participate in a support group. Talking with other people whose lives have been affected by avoidant personality disorder can provide a sense of community and understanding. People who understand what you’re going through can help you understand avoidant personality disorder better and find strategies for helping someone with the condition.

   • Attending a support group can also be helpful for those who have avoidant personality disorder, but many people with this condition prefer not to meet others face-to-face. For a low-pressure alternative, help your loved one find an online support group.

Advertisement

1. 

   1

   Set and enforce personal boundaries. Someone with AvPD may be unintentionally hurtful, emotionally tiring, or otherwise difficult to deal with at times. If you don’t feel like you can help them as much as they would like, tell them so. Don’t feel guilty for being up-front about what you can deal with and what you can’t.^[12]
   

   • Set boundaries to limit time as needed. For example, «I need to start homework soon but I can talk for 30 minutes,» or «I can’t talk after 9 pm because I need to rest.» This way, you can support them, without giving up too much time for other important parts of your life.
   • Honesty is important for a healthy relationship. It’s okay to say something like, “I want to support you, but I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed lately and I need some space.” Tell your boyfriend you need to take a break for awhile. Mention to your friend that you need some time to think.

2. 

   2

   Encourage your loved one to develop their support network. Reach out to the person’s loved ones, and encourage them to spend more time with this person. Remind the person that their loved ones would enjoy spending time together.

   • You should not be the only support person for the person with AvPD, as this isn’t fair to either one of you.
   • If you are too busy or overwhelmed to help them when they need help, you can suggest that they go to another close loved one.
   • Even young children can help. For example, you could say «Your big sister is having a bad day. She might feel better if she could spend some time reading or playing video games with you today.»

3. 

   3

   Avoid forcing your loved one into social situations. Being put on the spot or forced to talk to other people can be difficult and upsetting for someone with AvPD. If you put them into a social situation against their will, it almost certainly won’t help. They may start feeling angry with you, or ashamed at their perceived deficiencies. It won’t help their social skills.

   • Let your loved one decide for themselves if and when they want to engage in interactions with other people.^[13]
     
   • This can be especially hard if the person is your significant other or best friend. These relationships are naturally social ones; however, if your girlfriend does not like hanging in groups, support her interests and stick to smaller group settings. If your best friend doesn’t want to go to a party, see if you can go with another group of acquaintances.

4. 

   4

   Don’t take their behavior personally. For people who don’t have avoidant personality disorder, the behavior of someone with this condition may seem puzzling or hurtful at times. Your loved one may act friendly one minute and push you away the next, or they may go silent and refuse to interact for long periods of time. Remember that their behavior is a reflection of their disorder, not how they feel about you.

   • Romantic and close relationships may suffer from this because, if your date or BFF pushes you away, you immediately will think you did something wrong. Just try to remember the unique traits of this person. Also, remind yourself that they have only a few social relationships. So, if they are keeping you around, they must still like you and want you in their life.

5. 

   5

   Get support for yourself too. Visiting a therapist, joining a support group for family members of people with AvPD, or just talking with a friend can help you deal with your emotions and relieve stress. Maintaining a stable, positive state of mind will make you better able to help your loved one.

   • If your loved one lives in the same house with you, make an effort to get some away time for yourself often. Make plans with friends or go on a daytime outing just to clear your head.
   • If your loved one is a significant other, take the opportunity to get therapy, if possible. It can be detrimental to your self-confidence when your S.O. pulls away out of the blue. Get counseling to address how their personality disorder is impacting you.
   • If your loved one is a friend, be sure to sustain other friendships. It can be easy to get lost in this person’s world, but it’s healthy and absolutely OK to have outside friendships, too.

Advertisement

Advertisement

• People with AvPD show restraint in developing personal relationships, including intimate relationships, because of fear of being shamed and ridiculed.

• People with avoidant personality disorder are unusually preoccupied with being rejected, which impacts social situations and their daily activities.

• People with avoidant personality disorder may view themselves as being socially inferior or generally inferior to others.

Здравствуйте Екатерина! Это большая проблема, вы как живой человек нуждаетесь в любви и привязанности, раз заводите отношения, но не можете их строить правильно. Причиной может быть травма детства. Вы считаете опасным для себя, не сознательно конечно, близко привязываться к человеку. Может быть вы даже об этом не подозреваете. Поэтому самой справиться будет очень трудно.Чтобы найти причину этого страха, вам нужно будет погружаться глубоко внутрь своего подсознания, такими техниками владеют специалисты. Кроме того там нужна будет поддержка или наоборот провокация, чего сами сделать вы тоже не сможете. Поэтому более эффективно делать это с профессионалом.

Здравствуйте, Екатерина. 
Вы пишете «боюсь отношений, точнее не боюсь, скорее всего я не хочу посвящать свое время этому». Это не про избегающую привязанность. Это про отсутствие потребности в отношениях — Вы не хотите быть в отношениях. 
Вопрос в том, кто или что Вас заставляет быть там, где Вы не хотите, и делать то, чего Вы не хотите?

Вполне вероятно, что не хотите посвящать отношениям время именно потому, что боитесь их. А почему, Екатерина?

Сама Вы можете это преодолеть, дав себе установку и силой воли удерживая себя в отношениях, делая всё, что отношения предполагают, а Вы не выдерживаете — прикосновения, ночевки, свидания и встречи. И тем самым доведя себя до истощения, невроза и депрессии. 
А можете не преодолевать, просто наслаждаясь жизнью без отношений. 
Выбор есть. 
Если захотите поработать над ситуацией с психологическим сопровождением, приходите на консультации онлайн. 
С уважением,

Катерина Овчар

психолог, Киев

Здравствуйте,Екатерина.Ваша проблема весьма не простая,так как,в ней много невротических детских привычек,которые очень активно применяются во взрослой жизни.Вас,видимо,в детстве мало целовали,обнимали,нежили,не давали нормального тактильного контакта.Поэтому,нормальные любовные отношения сейчас Вы можете рассматривать,как угрожающие и опасные.А главная опасность в том,что Вы будете подбирать грубого,равнодушного,агресивного мужчину,который не будет Вас ценить,но,зато будет удовлетворять Вашим условиям тактильной отчужденности.Как правило,такие браки заканчиваются разводами.Поэтому,Вам важно научиться себя любить ,ценить и внутренне обнимать и принимать только Хорошей.Если Вы это сможете достигнуть посредством силы воли-пожалуйста,пробуйте.Если захотите цивилизованного подхода к проблеме-то Важно себя подготовить к длительной разговорной терапии,например,с психоаналитиком.От года совместной деятельности.А затем найти комфортного для себя специалиста.